Some Thoughts on my experiences...

This entry is mostly an update of what has been a wonderful, yet challenging experience for me. I have now entered my fourth month as a volunteer for FOR and I find it hard to believe that are other contexts outside of mine, where people live their lives ignoring the realities that trap so many lives into a narrow road with sharp rocks along the way. Why do humans feel that “other people’s” struggles are not their own, and reduce pandemics such as HIV/AIDS as being an “African problem”, and shove the immigration issue in the USA to being “a brown struggle” and subjugate the Middle-east as a terrorist haven, while labeling the World’s Drug issues as Colombia's? There is actually a collective impact that results from all of these and there is an US that can change the route that such problems take. Suffering, whether “ours” or “theirs” needs attention and action worldwide, as they are not isolated issues with a personal ID number on it. More so, I find it difficult to understand why struggles, like those here in Colombia get lost in the newspaper behind all the other news articles that describe the continuous War in Iraq and Afghanistan, about child labor in Vietnam and Philippines, about homicides in Johannesburg, about poverty in Mozambique and Malawi, and the long list of events and issues continues to multiply, probably parallel in numbers to the bank accounts of our current world leaders, CEO’s and celebrities. Why is it so many people feel that by reading their literature or reading a newspaper, they have done their contribution for the day as oppose to seeing it as the beginning of what they can do? I guess we should not be surprised that modern day humans, “the most civilized of the hominids” has still not figured out how to end poverty or to reach world peace in this 21st century.

This sorrow sometimes penetrates deep beneath my skin.

That expressed, my point was really to share a bit about my experiences here in La Unión which is a vereda/settlement of homes that form part the Peace Community of San José. There are so many things that a few months seemed new to me, and that have now become the usual. The sounds of the animals in the middle of the night, the blasting vallenato music, the soldiers along the path, and the tension that seems to travel in the air and that comes to tap my shoulders on any given day for this reason or that. The once hard to annunciate names of community members, leaders, other NGO's, governent figures, etc, that now slide easily off my tongue. And, ofcourse, the heavy conversations about the atrocities experienced by people here that have moved from feeling heavy on my shoulders to a safer place in my heart. There are also those life moments that come along as the year continues and we mark an X on already lived day. My 25th birthday was celebrated here (in La Unión) just last month (something I could have never imagined happening). There was love and joy all day and I knew that something like this would probably not repeat itself; at least, not in the same way, with the exact same people, and the same smiles and laughter that were shared because I was another year old.

While being here I have witnessed the difficulty that campesinos (farmers; agricultural workers) here face to be able to simultaneously heal from their yesterdays and continue with the process of the community building they started 10 years ago. I have enjoyed birthday celebrations and have seen people enjoy the dazzling colors of a sunset on a humid day. And, I have also seen the fear in people’s eyes when they hear the news of a recent threat, a death, and/or are told that the military is in proximity to their homes. I have seen how difficulties can easily transform into a crisis or become only an insignificant stone along the way. Overall, I have to say that I have personally grown during this short time and strongly believe that this change has taken place both personally and professionally.

What is easiest to speak of is my own growing process. I feel blessed in many ways to be here, living in a community that has opened its homes and hearts to my presence. I have so much respect for all the people here for staying on their land and continuing to live their lives in a way they feel should be rightfully respected. I agree with them. Civilians need not to be caught in the middle of the conflict as they have been forced to do since beginning of the most violent periods in this country. This understanding did not come to me solely from reading a book, or reading the history of this region, it mostly came to me through speaking to the people here and hearing their stories. There is a common experience that binds this community, that is, they all have personally suffered the loss of a loved one and have been forced to feel the fear that comes when one is in danger and when the possibilities of losing another family members is not a far off possibility. I do not presume to understand the depth of their experience, nor to speak for them, but while hearing them, I often remember that there is a permanent damage in their being, as no one can ever replaced those beings that they still long for.

It is difficult to hear the tragedies: people disappeared, murdered, framed, massacres, threats, intimidation, etc. Although such experiences are their reality and are some of the main reasons why FOR provides physical accompaniment to the community, there is also another reality that takes place here. I am amazed at the determination the community has to make the best out of their experiences and be able to live their lives as dignified campesinos. Their painful stories are not an everyday conversation. There is also gossip and jokes, small talk, laughter, music and dancing. They sit together in their neighbor’s homes and watch telenovelas and news and soccer. The kids love to go to the river and swim for hours, play with our puzzles, kick the hell out of our soccer ball; and, well, most of the time people are passing by with smiles on their face on their way to collect their harvest or carrying wood for the day care, enjoying a buñuelo (deep-fried dough ball with cheese) that they bought for 100 pesos (about 5 cents), or on their way to buy eggs from someone. What is unique here is that although their core values as a community and conviction to live in peace are solid, what is experienced as an ordinary life remains fragile because there are external forces that can easily interrupt their mundane days. This will be true for as long as the armed conflict and intimidation they face from legal and illegal forces continues.

I am often time at a loss for words here because of something someone said or because of the unexpected visits we get from someone brining us food or plantains or pastries. Their generosity is one of the most noticeable qualities. I find myself so perplexed at how the different lifestyles that children here share than those back home. I know that the little womyn here might not necessarily know how to use the newest ipod cell phone , but they can climb the 20ft high mango tree, or work with a machete to clean out the weeds on the path. I wonder what beholds their future. How the little kiddies who now play with our dominoes and puzzles will grow up and inevitably be forced to understand who she/he is in the context of this armed conflict. While it is difficult to have a full understanding of the complexity that surrounds this region, it is really simple to realize that over all circumstances, the basic human right to live violence-free, should always be respected.

How is it that humans have created a world where wars are no longer an option but a forced lifestyle? In these modern-day wars, I wonder whose security is being defended and from who? Is it the National, regional, or the personal/economical one?

I do not know that this has an answer, but I am sure that it is worth thinking about. Anyways, all in all, what I wanted to say in so many words is that I am grateful to be here where I have witnessed the strength and courage that human beings are capable of investing for a better world. I am also, inevitably saddened that there are some many reasons why the presence of international human rights observers continues to be on high demand here and in other places in the world.